NAS Entry #25

“Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.”
Napoleon Hill


Days before Christmas my sister called my Mother’s to confirm the time she was going to arrive (at my mother’s) on Christmas Day. She later commented (to my mother) that Liam, her 5 year old, commented earlier that day how he loved his two oldest Uncles, naming us each – when asked about the youngest of us, he drawled out a timid ‘no’ – because he lives with them – my younger brother rents the basement from my sister and is a daily presence in her children’s lives. I however last saw my nephew the previous Christmas – but he remembered that at last Christmas, we let him play on the PS3 at our mother’s house… Or on my brother’s Nintendo DS.

However, this Christmas, not long after his winter boots came off was he standing at the PS3, holding the controller asking to play… My Brother and I both resounded with a ‘No.’ – the fact was, my mother was wrapping up in the Kitchen with the meal – and we would soon be opening gifts…

He stood there, hearing our resounding ‘No’ and crippled over in tears – his heart was shattered – just days before he professed his Love for his two ‘favorite’ uncles (because we let him play video games) only to be repealed by said uncles… I could have sworn that to him, his world was disintegrating… That trust was instantly lost – until my youngest brother offered over his Tablet and Liam was suddenly (and blissfully) playing Angry Birds…

A life lesson for the boy – Trust No One. (LOL)

I often wonder if we are too entrenched in a world of ‘YES.’ Where we refuse to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. There has to be boundaries set to our behavior, but not to our capacity. My nephew needs to understand that he isn’t home and that he cannot expect to be able to take control and play video games – at the same time, it should be viewed as a reward for good behavior when he is allowed to play… A precedence was set at my sister’s to simply give him free reign to quell emotional outbursts… Because, we simply don’t want to address or deal with those things that make us feel ‘uncomfortable.’

The trick here however is called, Consistency.

Perhaps to a 5 year old, complex processes and topics are difficult to communicate and express – but at the same time, they are capable of understanding ‘things.’ They have a innate sense of the world and a rudimentary understanding of the mechanics of the world.

It’s when we grow up without support and guidance from our parents or caregivers that we run amok in life… That lack of validation and recognition is dagger that can do a tremendous amount of damage.


In her youth, my sister hated to read – I was still living at home at this time, wrapping up my last months of High School, and I would soon be leaving to go to vocational school away from my home town… I would help her with her homework (reading.) Whenever she would get hung up on a word, I would force her to restart from the top of the page – she hated restarting from the top of the page… Oh boy – did she ever protest… But I was persistent and she would relent and begin her work from the top of the page…
At the end of the school day, she returned home with a sense of pride and accomplishment – she had gotten a silver or gold star for her reading… Suddenly, it was a protest to have me help her with her homework – because she enjoyed the result from my tutelage. She didn’t enjoy the work – and I kept her honest… But she was progressing and growing… Until I left home and she was once again abandoned to find her own way…

We can’t be afraid of the work – when our intention is sincere and comes from a place of ‘love.’

Ha! Great stories!!

I call it the disease to please. We are so afraid of hurting the wee ones. I am a total push over for the grand sons. Not so much for my kids though when they were little. I am so glad that is over and I can just spoil them like I always wanted to with my kids.

Again... wonderful entry NAS!

Yes I really think it is different with the grandkids purps, you tend to let them get away with more within the boundaries! I think if little kids associate going to a relatives place because of whatever reason then let them, it creates memories for them and fond memories too which then carries them through their adult years of still wanting to go to that aunt or uncles place. Well that's how I remember my childhood, I still like going to my aunt and uncles place because we used to go fishing and go to the beach etc, they certainly don't do that anymore but I still like going there!

Since my iPod was crushed under a Bus (true story – and a freaky event, where my iPod fell out of my hand and slid under the rear exit door and under the bus tires – oddly, the casing managed to absorb much of the weight of the bus – but the screen was slightly damaged – days later, the right ear output died, so I can’t hear the music…) I’ve been without music in my life ever since. I’ve been trying to find ways to keep connected with that joy in my life – money being tight, I can’t justify going out and buying another mp3 Player…

So, I was listening to Alice in Chains online (Grooveshark.com) when I felt compelled to write. Layne’s isolation in the end reminded me of my own isolation. The difference is, I have a life-partner with whom I share my home with and I see her daily and on most nights, we’ll share our bed… So, I’m not ‘lonely.’

But I’ve shut everyone out of my life – for no real reason – If I were to say ‘because I’m tired of the same old narrative of people – ‘Eating Healthy,’ ‘Money this, Money that,’ ‘Job this, Job that,’ ‘Government this, Government that…’ I feel unchallenged and uninspired… You would all think me weird and unsympathetic…

But I was thinking about my nephew Liam, in the meantime… While looking at Layne Staley’s pictures, I noticed Liam in his expressions and features. Liam’s dad plays the guitar and is teaching Liam how to play it, I hear the boy is actually pretty good (for his age and exposure.) I wondered how old Layne was when he learned how to play the guitar… Then when Liam’s heart crushed when we repealed his wish to play Star Wars Legos – I too was crushed, because his heart had broken…

Reading up on Layne made me wish that I had the gift to connect with people, the way they connect with me. There are no ‘strangers’ in my life… I see new faces, and secrets names that, if I were more personable, I’m sure I could pry it from them – but I’m too withdrawn and distant. No one to me is a 'Stranger.' Everyone is 'Familiar.' - Because I understand the shared suffering we each participate in, based on our own faith and belief...

I wished that, at that time, when he was reaching out to Mike Starr, “Not like this man, not like this…” As his best friend closed the door behind him in anger – only to drive himself into guilt and death in 2011 from his drug abuse… I wished that a part of me had reached out to Layne’s Soul – and to Mike’s Soul, and help them find peace within themselves…

I don’t have that power – to reach out and touch my nephew’s soul and trigger that transformation of inner being – to turn him on to his inner light… To help everyone become connected with that core of their ‘Beingness.’ But I wish I could do it…

I felt a strong desire – upon writing my two posts yesterday, to just hang out and be with my nephew and just be his Uncle.

Then you should do just that NAS. Your urge is your calling and guidance. He might be really needing you for some reason. I hope you can go and see him or at least call him and let him know you are thinking about him and love him. Our bloods are important.

So happy you are around again. I missed you.

Much LOVE to YOU and your Nephew!!!